Dear Anita,

I’ve had employers like that too. It really sucks when someone who has power over you isn’t kind or appreciative.

Here’s some advice, and it doesn’t involve your shoe on your boss’s behind:

#1: Remember that what someone does to you they do to themselves. Have you noticed that your boss is really hard on himself? Have you ever seen him get frustrated with his own work product and self-fume? If that’s the case, and because you’re a more conscious person, bring your compassion to the table. Easy? No. Necessary? Yes.

#2: Find subtle ways to compliment him. If he solves a complicated problem, acknowledge him for it. If he is wearing a nice suit, say so. If you see he’s having a bad day, let him know you noticed. Act with him exactly the way you want him to act with you. Our instinct can be the opposite. You hurt me – I’ll hurt you. But it doesn’t work.  It’ amazing how mirroring the behavior you want can help the other person learn how to do it too.

#3: If all else fails, be your own perfect boss. Pat yourself on the back. Write yourself a great annual review. Claim your excellence and don’t let a hurt person, who probably had a critical parent, diminish your own self worth!